For as long as I can remember, I wanted to be a wife and mother when I grew up. I liked dreaming of marrying the Man someday. We would have a big family and life would be perfect. Being the oldest sister of 10 siblings meant I got lots of mothering practice in. 🙂 There was usually a new sibling every two years and I loved it. I liked the responsibility that came with being a big sister. I learned how to take care of the infant, potty train the two-year-old, teach the five-year-old to read, play with the seven-year-old and so on. Mom taught me to cook and clean and do laundry. I couldn’t wait to be married.
So what happens when you’re in your twenties (or thirties) and you haven’t met your Man yet? Or maybe you think you’ve met him but he’s taking his time to come calling? What happens when the days grow long and years slowly tick by without any sign of marriage? Do you give up the notion of marriage? Do you start chasing the fellow you think is “the One”?
I have read many excellent books on singlehood and preparing for marriage. I’ve observed many young single women. I have gotten advice from older married women. And I found the answer to all of those questions. Are you ready for it?
FIND A VISION BIGGER THAN YOURSELF.
It’s that simple. And it’s that beautiful. Find a vision bigger than yourself. Turn your focus from yourself to something much, much bigger than you. Build your existence on Jesus Christ. Here are a couple of practical ways to find your vision.
1. Focus on God
- Spend time in God’s Word.
These single years can hold the sweetest times of fellowship with God. Because you’re not in a relationship, you can focus on deepening your relationship with your Heavenly Father. Find a Bible reading plan. Set goals for yourself. Find a Bible study book and work through it. Journal truths that you’re learning.
Practice the habit of talking to God throughout your day. Commit your day to the Lord as soon as you wake up in the morning. Share your thoughts with your Father as you’re busy at work, or helping a sibling, or doing the twentieth load of laundry in a day. Confess sin and make issues right. Pray for your family members, pray for your pastor and your church family.
I’m going to admit here that I have not been as faithful as I should be in Scripture memory. Pick a passage and an accountability partner and start memorizing. Find a passage that has blessed you during trials. Memorize a verse that has been a challenge to you. (Send me an email if you’d like to join me in accountability for this summer.)
2. Focus on others
- Build your relationships with your parents.
I cannot emphasize this one enough. It is so very important to build a strong relationship with your parents. Spend time with them. Confide in them. Share your deepest struggles and your greatest victories with them. Our parents want to help us but they can’t if we’re not sharing our hearts with them.
- Spend time with your siblings.
Find fun activities to do with them. Take them out for ice cream. Listen to them. Did you know you can grow your vocabulary by listening to your siblings talk about their lives? With 10 siblings all interested in various topics and working in various professions, I’ve been able to learn many fun little bits of information. 🙂 (Do you know what a “roux” is? Thanks to my younger sister, I now know.)
- Get to know the older people at your church.
There is a wealth of knowledge that my generation is failing to obtain because we’re so busy with our work, our devices, and our good times. Take time to stop and listen to their stories. As you get to know them, compile a list of questions to ask them. What was your favorite thing to do as a child? How did you meet your spouse? Where did you work? What was an important Biblical truth you wish you had learned sooner?
- Find ways to serve and bless others.
Use your single years to continue learning new skills and gaining valuable experiences. Learn basic plumbing, take a class on floral design, learn a new language, expand your kitchen skills, go on a missions trip. The options are endless. As you continue to learn, you’ll increase your ability to bless others. Find a young mother at your church who could use some help. Volunteer to wash the dishes, change diapers, clean, whatever she needs you to do for an entire day. If you’re a math whiz, tutor a struggling sibling. Practice your kitchen skills by baking a loaf of bread and deliver it to a neighbor.
I’m not going to pretend that I have singlehood figured out. I still have many areas where I need to grow. But that’s one of the beauties of building your existence on Jesus. When we surrender to Him, He molds us into His image. That truth excites me! We have a God who wants to use us, His creation.
Also, before I close I should state that I still want to be a wife and mother someday. 🙂 I still like to dream about my wedding day and having a family of my own. But that’s not where God has me right now. God has a plan carefully tailored just for me if I’m willing to surrender to Him. And He has a plan for you, too. Will you let Him use you during these beautiful days of singlehood?